


the last night of sadness

by dizzy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Vampire AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:01:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26753974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: Dan has a question for Phil.Phil has an answer.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 21
Kudos: 98





	the last night of sadness

The room feels full of ghosts. 

Dan's lived with these ghosts for years now. They're in every crack and corner, hiding in the back of every cobwebbed cupboard, whispering the creak of every rusty hinge. 

The house used to have life. It used to smell like his grandmother's cooking. It used to sound like her sudoku club. It used to look like something soft and worn and warm and home. 

He's neglected these old rooms. It's always been easy for him to shut the door on things he doesn't want to see. He perfected it inside his mind then applied that here with practical application. 

He gives half a thought to clearing it up before his company comes over, but Phil won't judge. He doesn't open the doors Dan asks him not to open. He's never seen the dusty portraits or the hand sewn quilt still folded neat on the bed. 

Or he has. It wouldn't have been hard. A poke about while Dan was in the shower, or out picking them up food. 

If he has, that's alright. Dan's issue isn't with needing to keep secrets from Phil, it's with not knowing how to unlock the words to make them not secret anymore. 

He's going to try tonight, though. And if it goes well - if Phil looks into the face of who Dan is and he doesn't flee - then maybe Dan will find the motivation to bring this mess of memories out into the figurative light. 

-

Dan never thought of turning anyone before Phil. Why would he want to subject anyone to this? To the constant mental maze of wondering if he deserves love, if he deserves to live, if he's better off spending the rest of his untold days in solitude. 

But he doesn't want to feel lonely anymore, and he thinks Phil doesn't either. 

He'll probably never be able to admit it, but his first thought when he saw that pale white skin and that ink black hair was... 

_He'd make a better vampire than I do._

-

The thing about Phil is that he never talks about death, but he talks about life so much - Dan's not even sure if Phil realizes how much. 

He makes jokes about robot bodies and potions that make him live forever and freezing himself for hundreds of years. He locks up at the thought of something happening to his parents, his brother, anyone he cares for. 

Dan wonders secretly if that's why Phil was drawn to him. If he  
at Dan and something inside him saw a potential for forever. 

-

Phil's eyes are blue and sharp like glass, staring right into Dan. 

Dan stares back but his vision is sharp. He can take in all the periphery. Phil's bottom lip looks soft. It always does. His hands are still and clasped in his lap. One trainer is untied. 

The silence breaks Dan. "You don't have to-" 

"Yes," Phil says. 

"Yeah?" Dan's nerves flutter free in his voice. 

"Yes." 

-

It's an untidy thing. 

It’s sex and pain and beauty. Dan doesn’t know how it’s supposed to be done. He’s never done it before. He wasn’t turned like this, he was born like this. He didn’t have a choice. 

But Phil does. And Dan is Phil’s choice. This is Phil’s voice.

Phil is so ready. It spills over and lights into Dan’s soul. That’s what Phil is best at, isn’t it? Prying pleasure from Dan and reminding him, even without knowing what he’s doing it, that Dan can live without being alive. 

There's blood spilled against the sheets. Their bodies are hot and cold together, twisting across the bed, aching and biting and piercing and bleeding and coming. 

They’ll _live_ together. 

When it's over, Phil sleeps for a really long time. 

Dan stays up all night and watches over him, one hand stroking through messy black hair. Phil's skin grows colder and his breaths slow to almost a stop but he makes the nicest sounds as he works his way through whatever dreams he's having. 

-

Phil finds Dan sitting in his grandmother's room in the morning, one of those quilts pulled into his lap. 

He doesn't have to knock. The door is already open.


End file.
